the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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