It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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