wat bout pragnant strippers??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
