i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
