I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
