Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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