Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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