shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
