Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
