that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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