Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
