if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
