but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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