i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
