i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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