it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
