another moral hangover. fuck.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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