my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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