i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
