Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
