Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
