Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
