Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
