ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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