the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
