My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
