Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
