Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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