I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
