nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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