He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
