Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
