Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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