Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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