i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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