sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
