So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
