so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How's work?
Spinning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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