It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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