i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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