I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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