Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
