i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
