Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
