I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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