Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
