i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
