I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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