the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
