Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
