Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
