I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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