New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
