There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
