i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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