I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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