her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize