Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
