You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
