I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
