yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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