I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
