I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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