Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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