...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
