You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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