I bet he comes in French.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
