dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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