I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
