If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
