dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
