the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize