i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
