I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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