I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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