I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
