Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
