a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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