I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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