Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
