when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
