butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
