The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
