FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
