So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
