I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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