dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
