oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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