The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im at strip club and am horny
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
