Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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